| ||||||||||
Online Porn - The Sex Habit That Hurts LoveHe may not be cheating with a real-life chick, but your guy’s porn bait can tear you apart. By Molly Triffin Whether his computer is bookmarked with adults-only sites or he just enjoys the occasional frisky flick, more men these days are checking out porn. One reason: the Internet. In 2005, there were 2.1 million porn Web sites, an increase of about 2,800 percent since 1998. “The Internet offers the three A’s: accessibility, affordability and anonymity,” says David Marcus, PhD, a psychologist at the Silicon Valley Psychotherapy Center. Now you can see pretty much anything with just a click of a mouse. Adding to the increase is the fact that erotica is no longer considered taboo, so many guys feel it’s okay to use it more liberally. While some porn viewing can be healthy in a relationship (it could arouse both of you and spark new nooky ideas), “watching compulsively destroys trust and intimacy and ruins sex,” says Jennifer Schneider, MD, PhD, coauthor of Cybersex Exposed. Cosmo investigates how an X-rated indulgence can drive a wedge between you and your man, and what you can do to heal the rift. HOW IT COULD DAMAGE YOUR DUO When your dude’s erotica usage is out of hand, your bond begins to deteriorate. A serious side effect: Aside from his spending less time than he used to with out – in and out of bed – overindulging in the horny shows may affect his arousal system. “It can actually rewire the brain’s neural pathways, so things that used to stimulate him might not do the trick anymore,” says Patrick Carnes, PhD, coauthor of In the Shadows of the Net. In other words, he’s desensitized to less over-the-top action. He also may not be interested in hooking up because he’s already masturbated. But even if he does want to have sex with you, his approach might feel less intimate and loving. “Because the intercourse in porn is hard-core and not tender, it can influence the way he treats you in bed,” explains Dr. Schneider. “He could try to push you to do increasingly wilder sex acts.” Translation: Threesomes and S and M are par for the course in these frisky features, so guys try to emulate that when they do the deed too. It can also alter the way he perceives you. “Men may not find their partner as attractive anymore, since she doesn’t measure up to the double-D girls onscreen,” says Dr. Schneider. WHAT TO DO If your man’s X-rated excess is affecting your coupledom, approach him in a neutral situation, like while clearing the table. Say “I thin your porn watching is hurting our relationship. Can we talk?” Then be honest but not judgmental. Tell him you miss having sex with him or his tenderness in bed. “Watching too much porn may be a manifestation of a deeper problem,” says Marcus, “so let him know he can open up to you.” If he gets angry or acts like it’s not important, explain that it’s a deal breaker for you. “Refusing to change may mean he doesn’t understand how damaging it is or he may have an addiction,” says Marcus. Either wa, if your guy won’t make the effort it might be time to move on. |